Goth Ilk: safer party
Showing posts with label safer party. Show all posts
Showing posts with label safer party. Show all posts

Monday, August 4, 2014

House Party Wrap Up

House parties are an active part of scene life. Scene Goths are not different. Going to parties and after parties, there is a social challenge affecting individual status.

As discussed in "Importance of Popularity," find friends at a coffee house to establish social presence. This activity begins with conversations and involvement in people's lives.

I remember, as a Teen, my Friend and I made a goal to go somewhere after the nightclub closed. It would be great to get an invitation to the after party. It was an all ages nightclub. Already knowing the Goths over eighteen are paranoid about drinking around Underage Teens, I was not overly excited about the challenge. It is still a good challenge for knowing people more intimately. We went to a truck stop with people we met and felt good about the venture.

Later on, with a greater social network, it became important to make friends. I usually had a Boyfriend or other Friends. Moving aggressively from going to nightclubs to going to house parties, there are some rules for maintaining respect.

Life is easier when you have a Significant Other who attends parties and goes to nightclubs. It is not always available. One night during a rave, someone invited me outside. I was surprised when they kissed me. My Significant Other did not like raves. We spoke, even if lying about them (which I was not), they knew it was only friendship and nothing more.

As a Respectable Goth, there is n awareness about what people are thinking. I can share a few disclosures and observable opinions.

Not having as many problems, I was genuinely meeting people I like or it was better than being at home. When dating someone, we left the party at an appropriate hour and treat each other in a logical mannerism. We left slightly after the party was over. When they moved to a friend's house, who threw a lot of parties, I stayed with my Boyfriend.

Insecurity makes people act strangely. If you barely know a person, you leave early to fain or have other plans besides that party. If you are Friends, it is polite to wait until most people leave and say goodnight. It is also nice to ask if they need help cleaning up and give each other a hug. If you are Best Friends, you hang out all night and potentially until the morning. I will discuss why later.

It is easy to become fixated on popularity or lack of popularity. A person might see Other People doing things. They want to be a part of Other People's inner circle of friends, instead of, respecting their inner circle of friend. This is inappropriate and sometimes dangerous as discussed in "Approaching the Opposite Gender." People assume this only applies to Women. That is not correct. Both Men and Women who act overly clingy is engaging in offensive behavior. Sometimes, you have to play the game to get anywhere.

To explain this, I will go over each stage of interaction during the wrap-up of a house party. Some say this is conniving. I say it is a logical override to avoid statements like, "I am waiting for a Friend to pick me up," or being overly competitive with a Close Friend. There are times when our personalities and personal issues override good judgment.

Going to a party with Friends or knowing Friends will be there, there is a reasonable time to leave. Some choose to not look desperate and make plans to have coffee or talk about life before going home. They leave early or around the regular time to leave an wrap up their party experience. Sometimes, someone is getting more attention from Strangers at the party. They make plans to leave later. It is nice and a sign of making social progress. Friends might be jealous or overprotective. It depends on who is available. Pick up Friends an hour or two later. Sometimes, you might have to suffer through an hour before exchanging phone numbers and leaving.

An hour or two later is when Friends say goodbye. Most everyone has left. There is time to talk privately with the Host or Hostess. It is an after party to verify a bond to each other. People want to seem as though they have this relationship or slowly to leave because it was a fun party. When people start to leave, it is a good time to leave. Friends or not, it shows respect to the Host and Hostess; instead of, keeping them awake all night.

Going past this time creates confusion, there are many reasons to stay even though it is late and the party is over. The most common reason is having a romantic interests in the Host or Hostess. Reasons to stay sound like excuses to create a relationship. Maybe, they are not interested in the Host or Hostess. They are interested in their Best Friend. It is unknown. Ergo, by staying, you are expressing a desire to maintain and further a relationship with these people.

This is not always true. Sometimes, a person is too drunk to drive or competing with a Friend. Unprepared to drive home or call a cab, this "too drunk" statement sounds like an excuse. People notice who they are talking to.

Sometimes we want to be even more socially acceptable by staying longer. We will be there even longer than the Other People to demonstrate likability. This plan is strange and has consequences. You should talk to a Romantic Interest and leave with them. If trying to undercut a Friend, you might end up leaving without a ride home or being excessively intimate with the Host or Hostess. It was more than planned. It does not sound good saying something that paraphrases, "I was using you."

These are the reasons why Best Friends stay until dawn. There are people in the house who are looking for a new living arrangement or wanting a long term relationship. They view the Home Owner as an acceptable person. The Home Owner does not have mutual feelings. It is uncomfortable asking someone too leave; ergo, you let Drunks sleep on the coach and have friends to help avoid potentially awkward situations.

Think about this information as though hosting the party, it creates better outcomes. If only wanting to establish a better relationship with Previously Strangers, I suggest leaving when the party is ending and after most people leave.

This is a time to say there is interest and I like you. It does not extent into the time of desperation and weird behavior with a Party Goer or Potential Friend. Even if feeling desperate and wanting more, it is probably better to have dignity.

I have a home. I already have Friends. I am not the kind of person who resorts to tactics, even though I do. Most of this stuff is easy to assess. People talk about it. Listening is a great social skill, parties require many social skills.

Related Article
Approaching the Opposite Gender
Importance of Popularity