House parties are an active part of scene life. Scene Goths are not different. Going to parties and after parties, there is a social challenge affecting individual status.
As discussed in "Importance of Popularity," find friends at a coffee house to establish social presence. This activity begins with conversations and involvement in people's lives.
I remember, as a Teen, my Friend and I made a goal to go somewhere after the nightclub closed. It would be great to get an invitation to the after party. It was an all ages nightclub. Already knowing the Goths over eighteen are paranoid about drinking around Underage Teens, I was not overly excited about the challenge. It is still a good challenge for knowing people more intimately. We went to a truck stop with people we met and felt good about the venture.
Later on, with a greater social network, it became important to make friends. I usually had a Boyfriend or other Friends. Moving aggressively from going to nightclubs to going to house parties, there are some rules for maintaining respect.
Life is easier when you have a Significant Other who attends parties and goes to nightclubs. It is not always available. One night during a rave, someone invited me outside. I was surprised when they kissed me. My Significant Other did not like raves. We spoke, even if lying about them (which I was not), they knew it was only friendship and nothing more.
As a Respectable Goth, there is n awareness about what people are thinking. I can share a few disclosures and observable opinions.
Not having as many problems, I was genuinely meeting people I like or it was better than being at home. When dating someone, we left the party at an appropriate hour and treat each other in a logical mannerism. We left slightly after the party was over. When they moved to a friend's house, who threw a lot of parties, I stayed with my Boyfriend.
Insecurity makes people act strangely. If you barely know a person, you leave early to fain or have other plans besides that party. If you are Friends, it is polite to wait until most people leave and say goodnight. It is also nice to ask if they need help cleaning up and give each other a hug. If you are Best Friends, you hang out all night and potentially until the morning. I will discuss why later.
It is easy to become fixated on popularity or lack of popularity. A person might see Other People doing things. They want to be a part of Other People's inner circle of friends, instead of, respecting their inner circle of friend. This is inappropriate and sometimes dangerous as discussed in "Approaching the Opposite Gender." People assume this only applies to Women. That is not correct. Both Men and Women who act overly clingy is engaging in offensive behavior. Sometimes, you have to play the game to get anywhere.
To explain this, I will go over each stage of interaction during the wrap-up of a house party. Some say this is conniving. I say it is a logical override to avoid statements like, "I am waiting for a Friend to pick me up," or being overly competitive with a Close Friend. There are times when our personalities and personal issues override good judgment.
Going to a party with Friends or knowing Friends will be there, there is a reasonable time to leave. Some choose to not look desperate and make plans to have coffee or talk about life before going home. They leave early or around the regular time to leave an wrap up their party experience. Sometimes, someone is getting more attention from Strangers at the party. They make plans to leave later. It is nice and a sign of making social progress. Friends might be jealous or overprotective. It depends on who is available. Pick up Friends an hour or two later. Sometimes, you might have to suffer through an hour before exchanging phone numbers and leaving.
An hour or two later is when Friends say goodbye. Most everyone has left. There is time to talk privately with the Host or Hostess. It is an after party to verify a bond to each other. People want to seem as though they have this relationship or slowly to leave because it was a fun party. When people start to leave, it is a good time to leave. Friends or not, it shows respect to the Host and Hostess; instead of, keeping them awake all night.
Going past this time creates confusion, there are many reasons to stay even though it is late and the party is over. The most common reason is having a romantic interests in the Host or Hostess. Reasons to stay sound like excuses to create a relationship. Maybe, they are not interested in the Host or Hostess. They are interested in their Best Friend. It is unknown. Ergo, by staying, you are expressing a desire to maintain and further a relationship with these people.
This is not always true. Sometimes, a person is too drunk to drive or competing with a Friend. Unprepared to drive home or call a cab, this "too drunk" statement sounds like an excuse. People notice who they are talking to.
Sometimes we want to be even more socially acceptable by staying longer. We will be there even longer than the Other People to demonstrate likability. This plan is strange and has consequences. You should talk to a Romantic Interest and leave with them. If trying to undercut a Friend, you might end up leaving without a ride home or being excessively intimate with the Host or Hostess. It was more than planned. It does not sound good saying something that paraphrases, "I was using you."
These are the reasons why Best Friends stay until dawn. There are people in the house who are looking for a new living arrangement or wanting a long term relationship. They view the Home Owner as an acceptable person. The Home Owner does not have mutual feelings. It is uncomfortable asking someone too leave; ergo, you let Drunks sleep on the coach and have friends to help avoid potentially awkward situations.
Think about this information as though hosting the party, it creates better outcomes. If only wanting to establish a better relationship with Previously Strangers, I suggest leaving when the party is ending and after most people leave.
This is a time to say there is interest and I like you. It does not extent into the time of desperation and weird behavior with a Party Goer or Potential Friend. Even if feeling desperate and wanting more, it is probably better to have dignity.
I have a home. I already have Friends. I am not the kind of person who resorts to tactics, even though I do. Most of this stuff is easy to assess. People talk about it. Listening is a great social skill, parties require many social skills.
Related Article
Approaching the Opposite Gender
Importance of Popularity
Showing posts with label goth subculture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goth subculture. Show all posts
Monday, August 4, 2014
Monday, August 26, 2013
Affection and Intimacy
There is a difference between acceptable affection in the Goth Scene. This blog encompasses everyone who might refer to themselves as Goths. That includes: EMO, Rockers, Punks and Scene Kids. In my opinion EMO most closely represents the Original Goths who were called Post Punks or Dark Wavers.
Growing-up as a Goth, affectionate touching is platonic. It is difficult for various groups with various morals in the Goth Scene to understand everyone. I remember being friends with people and establishing we are only friends. To other people it looks romantic. Thinking about the past, a guy I went to school with was usually physically affectionate. It was normal to sit shoulder-to-shoulder, lean on each other or hold each other while talking. It was calming and understood it was a platonic snuggle.
This looks odd to other people. He broke up with his Girlfriend and wanted to date another Girl at the school, not realizing most everyone thought we date or should date. There is a chance our activity also effected how easily it would be for me to date someone else at the school.
Later on, it was not odd to receive casual massages from a Goth, while sitting around in public, yet most EMO learned to avoid embracing Non-EMO.
Hanging out with Rocker Friends, there was one person who was comfortable with receiving a massage and hug. We would sit around listening to music, yet anyone seeing this action was fairly this is a maneuver to try and date him. There was no mutual interest in dating, yet it still cause a cascade of problems with another Girl who did want to date him.
Later on I had a friend whose Punk Boyfriend thought I tried to start a threesome, because of tickling him. At this time, it became apparent physical interaction did not produce the right results.
Even in the Scene, another Scene Kid thought I wanted him. Not exactly sure what happened until they tried to kiss me. It was awkward and an unwelcome advance. In any event, it is probably time to realize physical affection is only appropriate with someone who understands affection similarly and amongst people who also understand massages and hugs are a method to comfort Friends.
Snuggle parties are fun. Rockers like to hit each other or braid hair. Punks might be active nudist. Any sexual activity when wandering nude is completely wrong. It is like invading their home with weird, pornographic ideals. Scene Kids have stylish pajama parties. There are experimental ideals to combine wearing stylish pajamas during parties with close friends and snuggle. Concept needs improvement.
Conduct is agreed upon by the group. When everyone is "Goth," it is sometimes difficult to know what type of Goth they are and what they believe is moral.
EMO follow rules of independence and making choices. Kenisthetic Learners have an orientation to bound with people through touch. There is also an informal maintenance of the pack through touch. Wild animals confirm goodwill by brushing each other cheeks. It is a type of cuddle. A handshake is affective, yet there is something nice about being able to hold someone.
It is possible to tell who is dating. I remember a couple who sat across from each other and never spoke. They had occasional small talk. They were obviously together for a long time. Talking to them, they dated for several years. To a certain degree, accept for a limply holding hands, most couples are less physically affectionate towards their Significant Other.
Rockers are possessive. It is better to be tacky and rude instead of appearing to be someone who is flirtatious or nice. There is appropriate hair grooming or pats on the back, yet there is an overly conscious need to confirm they are critical of Platonic Friends to establish there is no desire to be romantic with them. In addition, critical statements are a form of the cuddle behavior.
Punks have a form of misunderstood cultural norms. Several people agree nudity implies sexuality. It is not when a person is Punk. Even in current news, a large number of Punks host rain parties. They remove clothing after covering themselves in mud. Police stopped arrests in several States.
As part of the philosophy of reestablishing independence from an oppressive power, the removal of status symbols and clothing is an enlightening experience. Attempting to snuggle, though platonic is not acceptable. Even tickling could insight the assumption that there is an interest in romance. The friendly shoulder bump is adequate to display friendship.
Scene Kids have pajama parties. It is mostly a fashionable event, yet only people in couples receive invitations. There is an inordinate amount of flirtation and complimentary behavior. It is understood everyone goes home with the person they invite to the party. Any openly sexual behavior is not acceptable at the party.
Surprisingly, it is extremely important to be in a relationship with someone when around Scene Kids. I remember several occasions feeling more free to roam when people knew I was in a relationship and less comfortable to roam without having a Significant Other.
These activities cause confusion in each group. Some people attempt to take advantage of people's trust, because they do not understand the affectionate group activity. There is an awful consequence in each group that occurs when someone believes it is to start a romantic relationship.
EMO groups are paranoid about molestation. From their perspective, they snuggling someone while engaging in a private conversation and that is why they are alone with them. Knowing the conscious reality of not being in a romantic relationship, there will be no kissing. Trying to kiss them is a removal of trust and reason to suspect sexual abhorrence. This confuses a lot of people, yet it is true.
Rockers are jealous and violently protective of their Significant Other.
Punks dislike manipulation through the various ideals of the establishment. The assumption of morals and values because it is in reference to the establishment of societal rules has a long term impact on someone. Activities to determine loyalty to Oppressor is apparent with curious word phrasing and laughter for unknown amounts of time. They might might want to fight.
Scene Kids usually leave. They get forceful in avoiding someone. It involves gossip to evoke anger in other people who take action.
When crossing boundaries, there is friction between everyone. EMO Goths do not believe gossip. There is a need to assess gossip and validate if it is true. Scene Kids defend themselves with gossip. One rumor is people who talk to each other are the same. This makes it difficult to talk to a person and make an assessment. EMO need a method of police their group. Ergo, occasionally EMO and Scene Kids experience unresolvable conflicts.
These problems exist between all the groups. Though Non-Goths perceive everyone as being the same, this kind of mayhem makes me believe a firm separation between Goths might have benefits. With greater ideals of affection and intimacy between friends, there is also the burden of responsibility.
Related Article
Social Complications
Growing-up as a Goth, affectionate touching is platonic. It is difficult for various groups with various morals in the Goth Scene to understand everyone. I remember being friends with people and establishing we are only friends. To other people it looks romantic. Thinking about the past, a guy I went to school with was usually physically affectionate. It was normal to sit shoulder-to-shoulder, lean on each other or hold each other while talking. It was calming and understood it was a platonic snuggle.
This looks odd to other people. He broke up with his Girlfriend and wanted to date another Girl at the school, not realizing most everyone thought we date or should date. There is a chance our activity also effected how easily it would be for me to date someone else at the school.
Later on, it was not odd to receive casual massages from a Goth, while sitting around in public, yet most EMO learned to avoid embracing Non-EMO.
Hanging out with Rocker Friends, there was one person who was comfortable with receiving a massage and hug. We would sit around listening to music, yet anyone seeing this action was fairly this is a maneuver to try and date him. There was no mutual interest in dating, yet it still cause a cascade of problems with another Girl who did want to date him.
Later on I had a friend whose Punk Boyfriend thought I tried to start a threesome, because of tickling him. At this time, it became apparent physical interaction did not produce the right results.
Even in the Scene, another Scene Kid thought I wanted him. Not exactly sure what happened until they tried to kiss me. It was awkward and an unwelcome advance. In any event, it is probably time to realize physical affection is only appropriate with someone who understands affection similarly and amongst people who also understand massages and hugs are a method to comfort Friends.
Snuggle parties are fun. Rockers like to hit each other or braid hair. Punks might be active nudist. Any sexual activity when wandering nude is completely wrong. It is like invading their home with weird, pornographic ideals. Scene Kids have stylish pajama parties. There are experimental ideals to combine wearing stylish pajamas during parties with close friends and snuggle. Concept needs improvement.
Conduct is agreed upon by the group. When everyone is "Goth," it is sometimes difficult to know what type of Goth they are and what they believe is moral.
EMO follow rules of independence and making choices. Kenisthetic Learners have an orientation to bound with people through touch. There is also an informal maintenance of the pack through touch. Wild animals confirm goodwill by brushing each other cheeks. It is a type of cuddle. A handshake is affective, yet there is something nice about being able to hold someone.
It is possible to tell who is dating. I remember a couple who sat across from each other and never spoke. They had occasional small talk. They were obviously together for a long time. Talking to them, they dated for several years. To a certain degree, accept for a limply holding hands, most couples are less physically affectionate towards their Significant Other.
Rockers are possessive. It is better to be tacky and rude instead of appearing to be someone who is flirtatious or nice. There is appropriate hair grooming or pats on the back, yet there is an overly conscious need to confirm they are critical of Platonic Friends to establish there is no desire to be romantic with them. In addition, critical statements are a form of the cuddle behavior.
Punks have a form of misunderstood cultural norms. Several people agree nudity implies sexuality. It is not when a person is Punk. Even in current news, a large number of Punks host rain parties. They remove clothing after covering themselves in mud. Police stopped arrests in several States.
As part of the philosophy of reestablishing independence from an oppressive power, the removal of status symbols and clothing is an enlightening experience. Attempting to snuggle, though platonic is not acceptable. Even tickling could insight the assumption that there is an interest in romance. The friendly shoulder bump is adequate to display friendship.
Scene Kids have pajama parties. It is mostly a fashionable event, yet only people in couples receive invitations. There is an inordinate amount of flirtation and complimentary behavior. It is understood everyone goes home with the person they invite to the party. Any openly sexual behavior is not acceptable at the party.
Surprisingly, it is extremely important to be in a relationship with someone when around Scene Kids. I remember several occasions feeling more free to roam when people knew I was in a relationship and less comfortable to roam without having a Significant Other.
These activities cause confusion in each group. Some people attempt to take advantage of people's trust, because they do not understand the affectionate group activity. There is an awful consequence in each group that occurs when someone believes it is to start a romantic relationship.
EMO groups are paranoid about molestation. From their perspective, they snuggling someone while engaging in a private conversation and that is why they are alone with them. Knowing the conscious reality of not being in a romantic relationship, there will be no kissing. Trying to kiss them is a removal of trust and reason to suspect sexual abhorrence. This confuses a lot of people, yet it is true.
Rockers are jealous and violently protective of their Significant Other.
Punks dislike manipulation through the various ideals of the establishment. The assumption of morals and values because it is in reference to the establishment of societal rules has a long term impact on someone. Activities to determine loyalty to Oppressor is apparent with curious word phrasing and laughter for unknown amounts of time. They might might want to fight.
Scene Kids usually leave. They get forceful in avoiding someone. It involves gossip to evoke anger in other people who take action.
When crossing boundaries, there is friction between everyone. EMO Goths do not believe gossip. There is a need to assess gossip and validate if it is true. Scene Kids defend themselves with gossip. One rumor is people who talk to each other are the same. This makes it difficult to talk to a person and make an assessment. EMO need a method of police their group. Ergo, occasionally EMO and Scene Kids experience unresolvable conflicts.
These problems exist between all the groups. Though Non-Goths perceive everyone as being the same, this kind of mayhem makes me believe a firm separation between Goths might have benefits. With greater ideals of affection and intimacy between friends, there is also the burden of responsibility.
Related Article
Social Complications
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Goth Stereotypes
Being a person around a lot of Goths and Industrialites, growing up and currently, it amazes me how many stereotypes there are about the culture. My belief is people begin blurring Goth Culture with values and religions. When younger, though never thinking much about it, I had a friend who thought Goths represent individuality even when sitting in a Goth Coffee Shop with black and red walls. Everyone was dressed in black. Industrialites wear combat boots. The sentiment is enjoyable, yet I don't know if she ever made an attempt to stop placing Goth Culture into a tiny box.
People attempt to justify information through hearsay, yet when attempting to locate proof of the statement, it is difficult. Most Goths are attracted to the fashion and ambience created through decor and music. For most Goths it is never more complicated than this and if a person asked why they wear black they would become silent in an attempt to understand someone who does not understand.
People are always attempting to figure out why Goths wear black. There was even an announcement that only Goths wear black, yet accountants and most people working in conservative and professional careers wear black. I see people who are not Goth wearing black on television and jogging around the park. Somehow my black shorts with a green stripe are Goth on my body, but not other joggers I suppose.
Another misfortune is in summing up Goth Culture into materialism. Somewhat observable, I have known Goths that will spend money on Victorian Clothing and Costumes. It is unfortunate when they wear the same outfit constantly, as the people of Victorian Times did because there was a shortage of clothing. Some compete with extravagant jewelry purchases. This is an interaction defining a higher sense of grouping, not individuality.
The other half of this is an assumption people who don't spend money on anything are attempting to deprive themselves of wealth. I have known Goths who are celibate. Immediately people envision a priest whipping themselves for impurities. These people have full lives, jobs and friends. Though I will agree it is an awkward declaration. Even though I have not had sex in over five years, I will not declare celibacy.
Having a strong interest in Industrial Lite or Goth Industrial, it is appalling that "Working in the Industry" has become a method of asking if someone is a pornographer. It was shortened to, "Are you Industry?" This sounds a lot like Industrial. However, it is like the majority of mainstream vocabulary that was twisted into sexual perversions. Some statements are: "Working-Girl," "Pro" and "Professional." This is sad for everyone; wherein, woman with a job might think, "Yes, I am a working-girl. I am really proud of turning eighteen and getting a job as a receptionist." I used to think of Pro-Ball Players when hearing Pro. As for Professional, it is a common term for anyone on salary who wears a suit to the office as a requirement.
Industrial music is provocative, political and religious. There are many concepts related to the woes of society. A person might assume Industrialites are stern and opinionated. Truthfully, they are probably united through listening too BBC and PR News when going to sleep. Being thoughtful does not imply violence or aggression. Going to many venues for listening to music or cultural experience, people knew martial arts to protect themselves, yet did not start fights. In fact, they would avoid conflict implying passivism.
In addition to a passive stance, most people dress the same according to what is in fashion. At one event everyone had one or all items: clip-streaks, long-sleeve shirt with a glossy finish, leather or vinyl pants and combat boots. I usually differ from everyone, yet managed to have shiny leggings and a short vinyl skirt. I prefer walking boots over combat boots.
Perhaps people are united through a common thought occasionally. Androgyny was and still is an issue in Goth and Industrial Culture. Goths usually maintain standard gender dress codes. Men dress like men, women dress like women and androgynies are both. Industrialites, at one time and it might be a current trend, diminish gender roles by preferring androgyny regardless of sexual preference. Exhibiting a gender is a political stance. It announces a desire to exploit gender when acknowledging a difference between men and women.
This might have been true a few years ago; however, everything constantly changes and it was a system within a smaller group of people. Eventually, new people joined. They offered new ideas and commonly accepted ideals changed. In reality, everyone is simply attracted to Goth and Industrial. They bring values and religions into the group; however, it does not define anyone. An experience with one person is an experience with that person. While Goths and Industrialites dress similarly because the unifying factor is an attraction to black or understanding the lyrics in a song, there is no bold statement that applies to the scene as though it were a charitable foundation, political movement or religion with a greater purpose than socializing with people.
People attempt to justify information through hearsay, yet when attempting to locate proof of the statement, it is difficult. Most Goths are attracted to the fashion and ambience created through decor and music. For most Goths it is never more complicated than this and if a person asked why they wear black they would become silent in an attempt to understand someone who does not understand.
People are always attempting to figure out why Goths wear black. There was even an announcement that only Goths wear black, yet accountants and most people working in conservative and professional careers wear black. I see people who are not Goth wearing black on television and jogging around the park. Somehow my black shorts with a green stripe are Goth on my body, but not other joggers I suppose.
Another misfortune is in summing up Goth Culture into materialism. Somewhat observable, I have known Goths that will spend money on Victorian Clothing and Costumes. It is unfortunate when they wear the same outfit constantly, as the people of Victorian Times did because there was a shortage of clothing. Some compete with extravagant jewelry purchases. This is an interaction defining a higher sense of grouping, not individuality.
The other half of this is an assumption people who don't spend money on anything are attempting to deprive themselves of wealth. I have known Goths who are celibate. Immediately people envision a priest whipping themselves for impurities. These people have full lives, jobs and friends. Though I will agree it is an awkward declaration. Even though I have not had sex in over five years, I will not declare celibacy.
Having a strong interest in Industrial Lite or Goth Industrial, it is appalling that "Working in the Industry" has become a method of asking if someone is a pornographer. It was shortened to, "Are you Industry?" This sounds a lot like Industrial. However, it is like the majority of mainstream vocabulary that was twisted into sexual perversions. Some statements are: "Working-Girl," "Pro" and "Professional." This is sad for everyone; wherein, woman with a job might think, "Yes, I am a working-girl. I am really proud of turning eighteen and getting a job as a receptionist." I used to think of Pro-Ball Players when hearing Pro. As for Professional, it is a common term for anyone on salary who wears a suit to the office as a requirement.
Industrial music is provocative, political and religious. There are many concepts related to the woes of society. A person might assume Industrialites are stern and opinionated. Truthfully, they are probably united through listening too BBC and PR News when going to sleep. Being thoughtful does not imply violence or aggression. Going to many venues for listening to music or cultural experience, people knew martial arts to protect themselves, yet did not start fights. In fact, they would avoid conflict implying passivism.
In addition to a passive stance, most people dress the same according to what is in fashion. At one event everyone had one or all items: clip-streaks, long-sleeve shirt with a glossy finish, leather or vinyl pants and combat boots. I usually differ from everyone, yet managed to have shiny leggings and a short vinyl skirt. I prefer walking boots over combat boots.
Perhaps people are united through a common thought occasionally. Androgyny was and still is an issue in Goth and Industrial Culture. Goths usually maintain standard gender dress codes. Men dress like men, women dress like women and androgynies are both. Industrialites, at one time and it might be a current trend, diminish gender roles by preferring androgyny regardless of sexual preference. Exhibiting a gender is a political stance. It announces a desire to exploit gender when acknowledging a difference between men and women.
This might have been true a few years ago; however, everything constantly changes and it was a system within a smaller group of people. Eventually, new people joined. They offered new ideas and commonly accepted ideals changed. In reality, everyone is simply attracted to Goth and Industrial. They bring values and religions into the group; however, it does not define anyone. An experience with one person is an experience with that person. While Goths and Industrialites dress similarly because the unifying factor is an attraction to black or understanding the lyrics in a song, there is no bold statement that applies to the scene as though it were a charitable foundation, political movement or religion with a greater purpose than socializing with people.
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