Expression of Laughter

Having a sense-of-humor is great. It took a long time to really understand, yet it is wondrous to be able to laugh about life. Being a part of the Goth Scene for several years, I did not know what a Goth was until someone said I was one at age twelve or so. I remember walking through the halls when this guy made the announcement. He might have been Goth so it did not bother me too much. The realization to laugh about comments did not occur until much later.

After that I was curious about this whole Goth thing. As a child I was a rocker. On the cusp of maturity, childish Def Leopard CDs lost my interest. The rhyming pattern of several songs hid a lot of content. Even now I listen to the songs and realize everything I was missing. Being a child once I am positive kids do not know what they are talking about even when they are totally positive they know what they are talking about.

Time to grow up I cut my long hair to an A-Line Bob and began listening to the Alternative Station. Occasionally a Model in local hair shows they dyed my hair Hazelnut which looked black in contrast to my complexion. I wanted to look like Professional Models and Hair Stylist; ergo, a short-sleeve black mock turtle neck and slacks. My parents did not like black clothing. They would buy one black smock when getting an aqua smock. Black slacks and denim skirt. After a couple years of meeting Goths several parents forbade them to wear black.

Who am I? I am a person with interests in fashion, arts and politics. As a child I was in choir and spent four years playing clarinet. My family is Upper Middle-Class though stuck between a wealthy side-of-the-family that makes me seem poor and a majority that makes me seem rich.

I wake up to birds chirping while flying between the trees. Last Spring a hummingbird quickly fluttered its wings, suspended in the air inches from my face. My parents are overprotective though fighting against their instincts. One time I went camping with a few friends. They let me go camping though calling the police when my car broke down.

At the end of the day I am happy about life and I am thankful for all the people who see me for who I am. They kept me safe when struggling against everyone in attempts to become an adult.

The world is cruel. Films should never associate young girls to promiscuity, every once in awhile the girl was Goth. Though everyone should know film and television are not reality, several people still think it reflects life or get more ideas than realizing it is wrong.

Dangerous living out there with everyone, something in a show becomes a curiosity amongst strangers. Usually television and films hinge on drama not humor. Sticking to comedy and anime anywhere at anytime someone might be out to avenge a fictional character in a setting not even remotely close to our neighborhood and I do not know the reference.

I resented labels and was positive this only affects Goths. As years go by I realize this happens to everyone. At some point in time an actual Goth was seedily unkind to them. It is not just a response to a renegades flashing across the news screen for less than half a minute.

It is weird thinking about how people respond to me. Their eyes and gestures change with every new piece of information. Is there anything a person can do without receiving apathetic criticism anymore? I am half Basque. Basque means combination of French and Spanish. People say, "French are dirty and Spaniards are Mexicans." People say all kinds of things about Mexicans. I watched a sensitivity video with full-time employees in Mexico living similarly to homeless people in the United States. My family came here legally. Spain is on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. A handful of buildings are tiled in gold. Several people express my niche in life must be cleaning up someone else's mess. I should be fine homeless.

Within the shifting perception add Goth. This is my life. It was not until getting older and listening to a conversation between a Former Boss and several Employees, humor began to make sense. He was telling an awful joke about running over someone on the way to work. As a joke no one would think he could hit-and-run. No one laughed. He went to the Receptionist and then a Colleague. Wondering through the office he found a couple Computer Technicians. With the help of a woman with a glorious fake laugh he finally got someone to snicker.

At first it bothered me. I felt apathetic. When a joke is funny people laugh. Later it occurred to me the situation was funny. He wanted someone to laugh at his joke. Not because he was the Boss or a playing a weird power game. It is polite to laugh at someone's joke, even if not getting the joke. Laughing acknowledges we know he is a decent person. When someone makes an awkward assumption laughing dismisses what they said about me when realizing it is absurd.

Sometimes it still bothers me when someone's response is a precautionary method. It relates to what someone else has done, yet I would not leave my guard down. Laugh it off. Despite the myriad of judgments people throw my direction I am still a cushy bundle of overprotected over-resemblance to a Disney flick.

Every time a person laughs become free of assumptions. Some assumptions are grand and assist provide motivation to go further in life. Some assumptions are nasty. Just because of past experience or preference in clothing does not mean I hide in the shadows; cry under the night sky; race motorcycles with a death wish, or lash out at the world in a flurry of hopelessness.

Laughing creates distance between me and negative people who think they have the right to punish me for what another person has done. Laughing frees me to go to work and occasionally give advice to worrying parents wanting to help their Goth Child who is spending too much time at home, almost hiding from the world. I am at least at work or office. I am free to write and better myself. I go to acting workshops and build a future; instead of, running away or becoming overly defensive. Laughing takes most of the sting away.

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